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| Think Big & NEVER give up |
Going again at 40
Leaving school with nothing to show for it certainly hasn't helped my
career. Growing up was
certainly a challenge within what became a very
dysfunctional family with all sorts of problems to deal with. It meant my
priorities became more about survival than studies. I used to escape to the
park with my football and do what most lads do, dream of being a footballer. My
career didn't pan out that way but I was still able to carve out a career in
sport. Now I look at the young people I coach and am always wondering if there
is some way I could help them more.
Problems in childhood doesn't necessarily mean you have to continue in
the same mold. As coaches we may well recognise either deep issues at home or
complex learning difficulties and we should still try to break that pattern. Of
cause we need empathy. But I know teachers in Primary schools that find
themselves under constant physical attack and feel scared to address the issue. Or maybe
its knowledge of how to address the issue and the confidence to deliver it. It
does concern me when I look at modern education and the issues of behaviour
management. Now I don’t want to suggest that some young people are not
suffering serious disorders. I’m certainly not a doctor and I wouldn't
undermine that or be disrespectful to people with major issues. But for lots,
it is simply behaviour issues. That’s not a modern problem and in many cases it
comes from home. It can be frustrations and issues going on that lead to these
outbursts. Of course, some young people have other reasons, like peer groups
and being misled. They may well have the best parenting but have rebelled.
But for some I think we have to be careful. For many young people they
will leave school as adults expected to fit in to society and some of these
issues which result in violent outburst will not be tolerated and of course
will seriously harm their work potential and land them in trouble with the law.
So for many, we have to find a way to show zero tolerance to this now giving
them every chance of having a dream that can be fulfilled. I know it’s not
embraced but at times it is certainly excused and that is a dangerous state for
the individual’s future in my view. Not only is it dangerous, but what if it’s
the other end of the scale. What if we showed that child the light and their
dreams light up. If some rebel against solid parents with financially stable
upbringings, is it not unthinkable that someone could rebel against
dysfunctional parents and want to achieve something great?
When considering young people in difficult situations, some people
might ask “what do you know”? “You don’t know what its like” etc. Well without
disclosing my whole childhood I can assure you of this. Firstly, I’m very proud
of my upbringing in a council house on one of the toughest housing estates in
England. Despite not having carpets let alone a conservatory, I was taught
manners and respect. We were taught to help people and I've worked for every
penny I've ever had. However, I've also seen close family members completely
destroyed by peer groups, distractions, depressions, crime, drugs, alcohol and
that’s all whilst living in poverty for many years. I remember being frowned
upon by a working class guy (he told me
that) who suggested I had gained some ‘leg-up’ in life. My answer was “How often did you have to wipe
you’re a**e with the Daily Mirror pal”? If its more than me then you can give
me the silver spoon sentence. I was bullied in school for other things than
ginger hair you know. Like being skint and turning up to school on non-uniform
day, in my school uniform and pretending I forgot. That banter was easier to
take than the one before when I turned up in the best clothes I had. Mind you, I’m
sure my mates today would still suggest my dress code hasn't improved even
through choice.
I spent much of my childhood with a football at my feet and my dog
nearby and dream't of a better life. Unfortunately circumstances at home meant I
didn't even sit my exams as I had become an unofficial carer. The school never
even asked why let alone anyone else. But I had spent enough time at my friends
home, one of which they built themselves to know I wanted to break the cycle.
What I didn't know or prepare myself for was the setbacks and banana skins that
life chucks at you. After snapping my cruciate ligament at the age of 17 I had a further 7 operations over two decades. They had attempted two repairs and decided that it wasn't repairable
and I lived most of 15 years effectively not able to run and turn. So, I
started coaching and became the youngest manager in the south midlands league
at senior level. I started my coaches’ badges along with trying to be the best
I could in work and business.
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| Life sets traps & hurdles. Its not meant to be easy |
I had done really well in early jobs and used to drive home very
proudly in my nice company cars that I had earned the right to be given as part
of employment packages. I always had business ideas. I had books with pages of
them. Every-time I seen a problem I would think of a solutions with a business
although most of course never got off the ground. I went to my employers and
asked to go on management courses and they agreed. Coupled with that living my
life was a bit like a real life game of Takeshi Castle. It felt like just whenever
we got close there would be a mud slide on the travelator and we were back in
the drink.
I was working hard to try and make a difference. By that I don’t just
mean a job, I wanted to go further. I want to be remembered and enjoy a great
adult life. But huge set-backs tripped us up along the way. Losing both my
Father and Mother before they each turned 50 was of course a massive blow and
it was difficult to manage the emotional damage that had caused other family
members, some of whom had slipped into huge difficulties which challenged our
inner survival strength for many years. I dreaded the sound of my own phone. It only ever rang with problems. But,
I stayed strong and resilient on the goals and I wanted to achieve something
great for my children.
Their is a motivational line I really do not like. "Things can only get better". Well, the truth is, "Things can always get worse". That certainly was my motivation when I reminded myself how lucky I was to have two healthy, happy children.
Academics is not the only route, but for many, it works. Equally, some of the most succesful business people have done the famous rags to riches. Its the same in football. Us coaches would have you believe the only route is via the elite academies. For most it is, but why then do players get signed from non-league every year? So, the path is not a proven science. The destination doesnt change but their are many routes on the map to get there. Some even take a wrong turn on the map heading the wrong way, but as long as you turn back quickly you can still reach the destination.
The difficulty of leaving school early with no money or qualifications
is survival. Although in some ways I did some great things on my journey. I
remember later when I was in the Institute of Directors in a networking event
and two people were talking about the university they went to and asked me
where I went. It’s easy to say the university of life but I was proud to tell
them that I went to real sales school on a market to learn about profit and net
profit and in order to calculate the sum I need to sell something. I later
realised that not all graduates walk into jobs with the most basic of capabilities.
I hired a guy with so many business qualifications that I thought he would revolutionise
our company only to find that he couldn't translate the textbook to reality. I
actually enjoyed my early years on the markets although my wife is not so keen
on the Irish music I got a taste for. To this day I find it great meeting new
people at all levels and considering I was a shy little ginger pencil in my
early years I had become this ballsy market trader that would start by taking
the mickey out of myself to make people laugh. It worked for me. I learned to trade and that starts with people skills.
When we was running our successful business we used to attend an
exhibition and in my world we all worked. To me it was like the market stall.
We had paid £30k for this pitch and I’m dam sure we are going to earn our money
back. Of course there is a different approach. You can’t put a fruit and veg
salesman in an Aston Martin garage but the principles of sales are the same. It
starts with talking to people. There is nothing that rattles me more than going
to an exhibition and seeing someone on the stand doing email and on the phone.
I think wow, you could have stayed at home and done that for free.
So even with all the challenges and seeming lack of luck that always
seems to go to the guy standing next to me, we did ok in spells. But you learn
lessons. I always used to think us humans are more like a wildlife program than
we realise. With a pack of Lions famine always follows feast and in some ways
we have lived like that. It doesn't help when you fall victim to the other side
of human nature that money brings either. Greed. When you haven’t got money it can
bring out the devil in humans. Desperation can cause people to resort to theft,
crime and deception. Ironically those same features can be seen in many humans
when they have money. They just want more. Those without it don’t feel empathy
for their victims and those with it don’t feel sad about the lives they ruin on
their selfish path of greed. So, it proves that money doesn't make you 'good'. Equally, don’t
label all people without it 'bad'.
To many I have lived a ‘normal’ life. My own children are in their
teens and we have tried to support them in everything they want to do. Life is
of course not about materialistic things, it is about being healthy and happy.
For me that was basically wanting to break the cycle. For me personally, it
still is more about making a difference. I want to achieve something really
great. What is achievement? Well I have seen some disturbing things and seen
the damage and destruction drugs and alcohol can do, so surely raring my
children in a happy lawful balanced environment, them completing an excellent
education and putting them on the right path is achievement? Well it is, I do
go along with that. But I still want more. I have been doing my coaching badges
and coached at pro football clubs for many years. I've have had some amazing
jobs. I've been so privileged to have experienced what I have in football and
met so many great influential people. But I want to leave a legacy.
Change the Cycle
I really want to be a shining example to young people that whatever
happens in your life, you can come through it. You can change the cycle. It’s a
long slog and I still haven’t completely cracked it. I’m not without issues.
I think I’m very dyslexic although I enjoy writing. I’m easily distracted. I
have some flash backs and I can be over protective of my children and others getting on my morale high horse called 'principle'. (not good for your career that). I
also find it very difficult dealing with sad stories and illness and cannot
watch thriller or horror films. To a degree, I lived one, so I watch Comedy. I
even use comedy on the TV to help me sleep sometimes.
Its hard work. No one stood still and got to the top of the travelator
on gladiators. You've got to cope with some resistance. If you’re a victim of
crime and misery then don’t repeat it. Change it.
Despite everything that happened and the strain and worry that we have
been through, we still enjoyed great experiences because I refused to repeat
the misery. I've done things already that people could only dream of. I watched
the FA cup day every year from 12 o'clock, watching the bus going to Wembley and I thought,
I want to do that. Like many I dream't of that as a player. Well I sat on the
bus going to Wembley for a cup final. I did the walk around the Wembley pitch
with a trophy In front of 40,000 fans. I didn't even take football failure as
a prevention to be successful in the game I've loved. I've been behind the
scenes of Manchester United and most top training facilities in this country as
a respected sporting professional and shook hands on a level with more
household names than I can remember. I've traveled Europe as a youth coach and
played games against great clubs like Ajax, Feyenoord, Shalke, Bayern Munich,
Anderlecht and more.
But I haven’t finished. I’ve finally had my knee fully repaired and now
it’s fully stable. I’m ready to go again. At 40! I am now moving into another
era of coaching after working at professional football academy levels for 13
years and in sports performance technology all over Europe. I’m going to now
embark on professional senior management and furthermore, the sport Fiitball
that I've created was on the BBC and schools that play it boast increased
participation for classrooms. Now we have enquiries all over the UK and even in Europe and the USA. I want to see it played in school tournaments,
even the Olympics or international matches.
I want my grandchildren to be able to say, that was my granddad.
Whatever I do, I developed a very hardy never give up mentality and I
use the great Dell Boy’s line for motivation. “Never stop believing eh bruv”
But whenever I drive through certain communities or work in some
schools I look and think about the suffering that could be going on and wonder
about who could be rescued. Is he or she the one looking to break the cycle and
will someone give them the opportunity? We see all the poverty & suffering abroad but it
exists right under our nose. Here in this great country.
If you are the one looking for that chance, believe me the chance will
come. Careful you don’t miss it. Grab it, take the risk and don’t look back. It’s
going to be hard but you can make a change. Even if you’re a bit older, made
some mistakes. It’s never too late. Turn back. I’ve seen that in my own family.
Look around you, don’t follow the crowd, be someone else and make
someone proud
Tony McCool
@antmccool7
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